Sunday, March 15, 2009

Zen and the art of motherhood maintenance

I was relating a story to some colleagues the other day in which one of my children told me a convoluted tale involving some of his fellow students, a teacher and a controversy over homework. It's so convoluted that it would be pointless to share the details here.

My point in bringing it up is that my reaction to this incident was to simply state my basic values and rules, and then let it go. I personally would rather have a child get a zero on an assignment than stay up all night completing it, end up in tears because of it, copy the assignment from someone else, lie about it, have a nervous breakdown over it, or any other number of possible outcomes besides completing it in a reasonable period of time, with a reasonable amount of effort.

Basically, if you screw up somehow in doing the work, then you gotta live with the consequences. And if you did your best but you still fall short, well, at least you did your best.

In my mind, though, the most important thing is: To thine own self be true.

Did you behave honorably? If you did, then that's good enough for me.

My colleagues labeled this approach 'zen mothering' and maybe it is.

I don't particularly consider myself a zen person. I am quite neurotic and can get really worked up about stupid things.

But I also know that for me personally, the key to a good night's sleep is knowing that I did what I could, given available resources, to get a job done, and that I endeavored to avoid harming anyone else.

If that's zen, then OK, I guess I am zen.

Maybe my next book should be 'Zen and the Art of Motherhood Maintenance.'

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