Nothing says Happy Hanukkah like illegal fireworks!

Even though I live in Brooklyn, where you would think there would be lots of Jews, I never seem to have any Jews at my Hanukkah parties. But that's OK, because goyim bring the BEST Hanukkah presents. I think the Hanukkah party I had Sunday night was the best of my life. First of all, my one friend Margaret brought a huge explosive device, this illegal fireworks that she bought out of state. We set it off in the street and hoped no cars would come and ran for the hills, and it shot a series of colored rockets into the sky and I prayed no trees would catch on fire and we were all screaming and hollering our heads off and hoped none of the neighbors would call the cops. It was SOOOOOO fun, I felt like a kid. Second, then my friend Molly, who is THE BEST HANUKKAH shopper EVER, brought me salt and pepper shakers shaped like little dreidels. Unreal! In the past, Molly has bought me pasta shaped like stars of David and chocolate Maccabees. None of these items can ever be located anywhere on earth by any Jew, I am convinced. It requires someone with the temperament and discerning eye of a determined Christmas shopper to root out such great stuff. I go to the store to look for Hanukkah stuff and all I can find is chocolate gelt, but Molly is another story. Other amazing things people brought to my party: wine from Israel, cake, cookies, chocolate and an edible fruit arrangement that looked like a bouquet, with spears of pineapple and melon on sticks. WOW! And my latkes were really great, Elon helped me mathematically calculate what time to start cooking so that half would be done by the time guests arrived, and once you're in the groove, the second half is easy, plus another nonJewish friend helped me finish the cooking while I supervised five children lighting five menorahs simultaneously and hoped they would not burn the house down. Then I gave them sparklers and Silly String and those little pop-pops that you throw on the ground and they go POP and sent them outside to throw snowballs and make trouble. Anyway it was TOTAL MADNESS AND JEWISH FUN WITH MY GOYIM FRIENDS, THANK YOU ALL AND YAY HANUKKAH!